Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Nature of Conflict

The nature of conflict is constriction. Constriction is tightening and resistance and is felt on all levels when it arises in your life. In order to free yourself from this debilitating feeling, you must first discern the nature of the conflict.

When there appears to be a situation that is undesirable or uncomfortable, something that doesn’t match up with that ‘feel good’ place of your truth, then something in you forms a knot. The idea of conflict presents the idea of confrontation. It is in our nature to fix or alleviate what is causing us pain – so we attempt to ‘make the situation right’ by correcting another.

For most of us, the idea of confrontation presents us with a kind of uneasiness. It represents battle and we would rather lean towards peace. Our outer conflict becomes more internal then, as our minds rally for justice and our hearts long for subtler pacification. We want to stand up for ourselves when we’ve been wronged and we feel the need to give voice to our indignation. But the idea of creating more tension within the situation and the possibility of being abandoned keeps us immobilized and therefore even more split in the context of peace. It is here that many become lost in their heads and tormented by ghosts of past ill-fated relationship conflicts.

It can be difficult to discern from which the pain is greater. Is it conflict within the relationship that’s bringing you more pain, or is it the division that’s been created within you?

When we find ourselves lost in the ‘solution,’ eagerly trying to dampen the unrest, it’s an excellent time to withdraw from the situation, withdraw from our own heads, and find our place of center. No right outcome will transpire from a place of disconnect. When you have lost your center, you have become disconnected from Source. Only from a place of peace can you derive balance and a satisfying outcome.

It’s important to ask yourself if the relationship is reflecting your own polarity. Do your values match up with the way that you allow others to treat you? Are your outer relationships reflecting what’s within? How true are you to you?

Ultimately, it is up to you to show others how to treat you. If you feel like you’ve been wronged, perhaps it’s a mirror of where you’re not in right relationship with yourself. That foundation, that cornerstone of you loving you, you honoring Truth, is where all relationships are based. So ask yourself if what you’re seeing in a relationship is lacking because you haven’t laid the ground for it to be so. If you’re not being respected, where have you allowed those boundaries to become slack, and what do you need to do to strengthen it? If you’re not feeling that a relationship is positive, how are you contributing to its imbalance? Where does your foundation lie, and how are you initiating it in your world?

There is a time for confrontation and exercising our Truth with voice, but when you wish to operate from solid ground you must reflect on the ground on which you stand. Is this possibly an opportunity to become stronger in you and allow that strength to ripple out into your world, into your relationships, and into your outcomes?

When you become solid in you, you regain clarity and composure and confrontation can be filtered into a communication of Truth. When you become realigned with your Self and pay allegiance, how you choose to handle a situation becomes an act of peace – as your intention is to end the conflict within.

In this state of Being, all outcomes become irrelevant, other than the ultimate of being true to you. And in the end you are left with exactly what you need – because the other will either choose to align or will easily fall away, leaving you with matches to your truth, rather than uncomfortable fits.

As you stand in integrity and authenticity becomes your guide, you will find the like that attracts like and you will see that compatibility is much more pleasant when it springs from truth.

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